Wednesday, December 30

Don't feed the pear shaped woman you guys. Please.
Incidentally all I want today is pepperoni pizza.
Happy holidays!

Sunday, December 20

So I've discovered that I'd completely forgotten that there are people from work reading this blog. Therefore, I think it will be wiser to abstain from commenting on those hard-working souls who have given me so many opportunities to learn and who remain a constant source of inspiration to me even after three years since the day I was first in awe of their sheer awesomeness and professionalism. (Also Swaamers, please meet me before you leave.)
The highlight of my day over the past three days:
Day 1 - Opening a new tub of Bodyshop's papaya lip butter which I'd been putting off forever because I thought it would be super gross. Turns out the papaya is fantastic. I can't find my already open shea lip butter though [ I hate losing my stuff :( ], so I took out a new satsuma one also.
Day 2 - A sardarji walked past me at the Airtel President's Office talking on the phone, who I heard saying 'arre yaar, aaj maine mails checks nahi ki' (for those who don't understand hindi, skip this one altogether, it's pretty much going to be lost in translation)
Day 3 - Dinner and midnight walk with a bunch of people whose company is simply perfect. We're somehow always the table that everyone's constantly staring at.

Dear Santa,
All I want for christmas is:
- a warm neck I can stick my hands down after returning home from a 40 minute auto ride at 8:30 PM
- self washing hair
- peace, love and happiness

But what if it kills me? :(

Tuesday, December 15


Man, not men.

Bear 'he simply walks into Mordor' Grylls.

Monday, December 14

Kameene paet ki majboori

You! Internet!

It's 12:09 AM. I'm going back to work tomorrow after two whole months (not counting two Fridays and half of one Saturday). I have a super hostile and aggressive work environment waiting for me, with countless emergencies that I can't seem to get worked up about anymore. I have to work on a really tedious report right now before going to sleep, where the real challenge is bringing myself to open the bleeding file. I have to make sure I have clothes I can wear to work. To ease the trauma of going back to work I bought this bag in black:

So I have to transfer all my stuff in it. I have to wake up tomorrow at 7:15 AM. I normally need my eight hours of sleep but let's not get into that right now. I have to wake up and hopefully remember to wake a very old man up. I have to call my driver and remind him that he needs to come get me. I have to go to work and somehow live through the day of 'dude you were chilling for two months, so now let's be extra inhuman to you' in the fantastic passive aggressive way only very short men, recently promoted to vague positions of authority can pull off, who incidentally pout like fucking six year old girls if they realise you're not in awe of their tiny penis induced aggressive and offensive and chauvinistic brand of machismo. And I have to sit through a 10 - 12 hour long work day surrounded by inept children and ineffective managers (who will only pout and try and look important) and work on some godawful project that's drowning and assume responsibility for not letting it drown. And then I will come home and brace myself for an endless cycle of days like this till god knows how long.
Good thing I'm happy irrespective right now.

Friday, December 11

What Murphy learned in 2009

Part of me still hasn't got used to 2009 and still gets confused with what year it actually is. I suspect whenever my brain's truly lulled into a comfortable, complacent state it believes it's 2007. It's a little early in the year, but I feel like making this list. Maybe it's just been too long since I put something down in bullet points. Maybe it's just me procrastinating some more on work. Maybe it's my super fabulous mood, best illustrated by this canine:

Anyhoo, here's the official What Murphy learned during 2009 List, in random order naturally.

1. While buying overpriced sunglasses with prescription lenses, ensure they get the tinting right.
2. It's pretty much impossible for me to fly with light cabin baggage.
3. That I believe in soulmates and mine are currently pursuing a PhD in Maryland, fixing the education system in Rajasthan and out hunting rats.
4. Living alone, in a highly controlled environment, in a place where no one knows you, is possibly the closest I can come to to being disoriented enough to go out on a limb.
5. Living alone at home, with a gazillion responsibilities, is hard work.
6. That it's not my fault. So there.
7. That I've probably lost interest in being the teacher's pet at work. Not sure why.
8. I didn't listen to music all year. At least not the way I used to. The only time I'd listen to music was during commuting and while walking to some place alone. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I've learned how bloody important it is to keep things that mean a lot to you yours alone. Once it stops being personal and you share it with people, it pretty much gets dragged into whatever goes down. So I've learned not to do that.
9. If you live on thai food for a month you will gain a ton of weight. Duh.
10. That relating to people, accepting them with their flaws and mistakes is really hard.
11. That I still don't know exactly how deep does my ego run.
12. That I really miss studying and don't know why the fuck am I working? Also, I don't really know if now is the time to study.
13. Pineapple remains my favourite pizza topping.
14. Not to get my hair cut by new people. They always cut it too short and at this rate it'll never grow down to my ass and I'll never be able to get rid of ALL of it in one glorious haircut.
15. That waiting is so not my thing anymore. Universe, please! Get with the programme :(
16. I learned the needs of people in my extended family, ones that I never considered before. I'm not sure whether it's age or maturity or what exactly but this might have been the first time I've seen them as people and not relatives.
17. Dependence is dangerous and pretty much a slippery slope that people don't recognise easily.
18. That it's so easy to get stuck in an endless cycle of people who are so wrong for me. And once you realise that, you can't stop seeing them for the transient entertainment that they are, which may just be worse. There's no going back to being effortlessly and happily stuck in an endless loop of heinous assholes unfortunately.
19. Having your friends leave is pretty much exactly as lonely and fuckall as you thought it would turn out to be. But it does really help you figure shit out.
20. That maybe the days of the cigarette burns are far behind me?
21. That being by yourself is so much easier. It's infinitely easier to not have to present yourself in a way that people will find easier to understand or accept or fit into their views of what they want.
22. That love's not some histrionic teenage concept. It's also a histrionic adult thing.
23. That I'm ambivalent on whether I'm being lied to or not. How on earth does it not matter? How cool is it that it doesn't? But we'll wait and see, yeah?
24. That it doesn't take time to switch to indifference. Being vulnerable takes a lot more work.
25. That Neil Patrick Harris is all kinds of awesome :)
26. That the whole shopping thing wasn't a phase. It's a lifelong commitment that just runs in cycles. Getting past the jewelery cycle was hard, but I think the clothes cycle might last a while.
27. That I'm still waiting to see on the whole hope thing.
28. Somewhere along this year, I started taking myself way too seriously. I need to hang out with my asshole friend from work a lot more. Nobody tells me how full of shit I am and laughs at me like him.
29. I need to go see South America for myself.
30. That I'm genuinely worried that the gravel in my soul and the steel in my spine will not let me be open to something that I've managed to want despite everything.
31. I naturally turn to 500 ml tubs of Baskin Robbins' Honey Nut Crunch / Mint Chocolate Chip / Chocolate Almond Praline when super upset or faced with disappointment.
32. That I will crave meat all my life.
33. Documenting oneself is strangely comforting.
34. If you're going to be brutalized within the walls of a beauty salon, you better have a an efficient sadist at hand.
35. I can be strong and disciplined but the tug I feel at my heartstrings when I think of my beloved reds is never going to go.

36. I'm way more judgmental than I realised.
37. I wonder about conditional love. Does such a thing exist?
38. Competence does in fact turn me on.
39. I'm more materialistic than I realised.
40. I stopped being honest on this blog right about the time I settled for comfortable.

Monday, December 7

Internet. Hello.
I can't do this anymore. Any of it. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing in the first place anyway, and I'm in no mood to sound whiny today.
Can I please be done now?
I'm home on a Monday afternoon, I just watched the last episode of the new season of Gossip Girl ( :P ), I have two kittens sleeping on me, with my sweater buttoned over them, causing intense heating. Bambi's sleeping on the back thingy of the couch, so he's right next to my cheek. I'm not at work, I have no responsibilities today, having meticulously cleared my schedule of all things gruesome. So I'm sorted, right?
I've upset so many people. Caused palpable grief and sadness. I'm not really sure how or why. I think life would be simpler if I just stuck to things I know like hanging out with cats, cleaning feline feces, working hard at a job that means nothing to me. That sort of thing.
I'm getting new headphones! My sister's getting them for me when she returns from vilait and they're WHITE. The wire of my last pair that I really liked was chewed through by certain constantly-pooing, running all over me when I'm trying to sleep, bright-eyed motherfuckers and the replacement pair I'm using aren't that great. I've been spoiled and I can't go back to fuckall headphones.
Muggins is getting old :( For the first time in her life she's started pooing in the house. She sleeps a lot more, alternates between randomly psychotically grumpy and violent and completely mellow and chilled out, harmless old biddy-ness. And she's puked twice in the past week itself. Maybe it's because of the cold? Either way, my baby girl, the light of my life, is becoming old.
This stupid blog post is being highly counter productive and depressing me even more. Universe, if you're listening, I could really use a complete change in my life right about now. A nice one, please. Clean slate and all that. I don't want to find out there's no escape.
Yeah, I think that's all.

Sunday, December 6

Bahut nikle mere armaan

A promise has been made in good faith.
It means everything.

Today I've been sliced open, right down the center.
I worry that now I'll never stop bleeding.

I won't find you.