Tuesday, April 26

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It’s cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all

Moons and junes and ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way

But now it’s just another show
You leave them laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It’s love’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

Monday, April 11

He stood facing the shore. Behind him was empty land. He imagined what the scene would look like to a person standing behind him, with the empty blue summer sky meeting the ocean at the horizon. And him standing alone, a little ahead of the fog.
Though he wasn't really standing alone. He couldn't see her but on the other side of the ocean A was also standing, facing him. He thought back to earlier days where he'd tried to communicate by splashing the water.
He stopped doing that soon enough.
He smiled thinking of his relationship with this person on the other side of an ocean, where they looked at each other without being able to see. His palms felt sweaty in his pockets and he thought of how A and he had stood there for each other.
The sound of a bird flying over his head made him look up but he could see no bird. His eyes caught the sun overhead which momentarily blinded him. A breeze blew, ruffling his hair.
Slowly as he brought his gaze back to the horizon, he started to feel foolish. A seed of doubt.
He realised he'd spent days and weeks just standing there.
A probably wasn't even there. A was probably some person who'd idly walked onto the beach and held him in his spot by the force of a casual gaze. His palms grew sweatier. There was no way of finding out what had happened between those two shores and he'd lost whatever he had, for that seemingly brief time with A.

Tuesday, April 5

On a different plane altogether, not voluntarily. Purple clouds and pepper love. Sitting in my room I call out to her though she's outside the house. I don't really want her here but I know she won't be able to hear me anyway. The lies that you tell are an integral part of you. They tell me more about you than the truth. We all get lumped with the truth. The lies you chose told me what you wanted me to know.
She has one of those dupattas with the millions of little circular mirrors. So when she walks into a room the walls are covered with running, leaping, flying people of light. I'm told when you chase her you can see yourself in those mirrors.
All of my friends who wear kajal (except Johnny Depp in POTC) look like they're ill and dying without it. It's built up a dependence and they're all resigned to their fates of buying lots and lots of kajal. Don't fall for it. Really.
Whenever I want to do so I can wake up in a place where all the people I know don't exist and I'm just another drone in the hive going through the daily motions. It's almost comforting. Solitude must be sweet.
I keep meeting the same person over and over again in different forms. I've spent alot of time with him so I recognise him with considerable ease. I don't know what to make of it yet. I long for my crayons and have to study economics instead.

Sunday, April 3

I’m the child of a great Hindu nation with an incredible childhood.
You are tiresome to me.