Tuesday, October 21

I tend to blow off steam here a little too often. Really, I'm not a millionth as angsty as my last post made me seem. Internet, that was just some old fashioned pissedoffedness with no other outlet.
In happy news, I'm home! :) I'm freaking out over my exams. Which I'm taking with all these CA types who've always wanted to be an accountant of some sort. I know that I'm also doing this voluntarily but it really was sort of incidental. I wanted to keep studying and it's a difficult qualification which only the cool kids can manage. So essentially my reasons are:
a) it's difficult and finishing it will make my awesomeness renowned
b) it's some sort of academic thing that will not let me completely become a working drone
The fact that the actual content means very little to me doesn't seem to factor in. I see a rather gaping hole in my awesomeness.
But, the good bit about studying again is that I get to take a much needed break from work. And stay at home, hang out with my babies and take care of the one that needs taking care of. Being at home on a Tuesday afternoon (oh man. That's 3 days worth of studying wasted :|) feels healthy :)
I'm slightly incoherent and all over the place at the moment. I think I haven't got used to thinking and functioning at a regular speed yet.
I need to study. Take care, internet :)

Saturday, October 18

Mopey Murphy

I feel sick to the pit of my stomach.
I worry.
I feel old and tired.
I feel guilty for neglecting my home and family and babies, the only ones I love.
The only ones I love and neglect while they cheerfully accommodate my absences.
I feel exasperated with the army of bosses. Who tirelessly and ceaselessly exploit me. And feign indignation at any murmur of protest, for my life not coinciding neatly with their plans for me.
I feel incapable of love, with its dried up, ineffective vestiges in my blood.
I feel determined and responsible.
I'm really glad to be home :)