Friday, December 11

What Murphy learned in 2009

Part of me still hasn't got used to 2009 and still gets confused with what year it actually is. I suspect whenever my brain's truly lulled into a comfortable, complacent state it believes it's 2007. It's a little early in the year, but I feel like making this list. Maybe it's just been too long since I put something down in bullet points. Maybe it's just me procrastinating some more on work. Maybe it's my super fabulous mood, best illustrated by this canine:

Anyhoo, here's the official What Murphy learned during 2009 List, in random order naturally.

1. While buying overpriced sunglasses with prescription lenses, ensure they get the tinting right.
2. It's pretty much impossible for me to fly with light cabin baggage.
3. That I believe in soulmates and mine are currently pursuing a PhD in Maryland, fixing the education system in Rajasthan and out hunting rats.
4. Living alone, in a highly controlled environment, in a place where no one knows you, is possibly the closest I can come to to being disoriented enough to go out on a limb.
5. Living alone at home, with a gazillion responsibilities, is hard work.
6. That it's not my fault. So there.
7. That I've probably lost interest in being the teacher's pet at work. Not sure why.
8. I didn't listen to music all year. At least not the way I used to. The only time I'd listen to music was during commuting and while walking to some place alone. I'm not sure what the deal is, but I've learned how bloody important it is to keep things that mean a lot to you yours alone. Once it stops being personal and you share it with people, it pretty much gets dragged into whatever goes down. So I've learned not to do that.
9. If you live on thai food for a month you will gain a ton of weight. Duh.
10. That relating to people, accepting them with their flaws and mistakes is really hard.
11. That I still don't know exactly how deep does my ego run.
12. That I really miss studying and don't know why the fuck am I working? Also, I don't really know if now is the time to study.
13. Pineapple remains my favourite pizza topping.
14. Not to get my hair cut by new people. They always cut it too short and at this rate it'll never grow down to my ass and I'll never be able to get rid of ALL of it in one glorious haircut.
15. That waiting is so not my thing anymore. Universe, please! Get with the programme :(
16. I learned the needs of people in my extended family, ones that I never considered before. I'm not sure whether it's age or maturity or what exactly but this might have been the first time I've seen them as people and not relatives.
17. Dependence is dangerous and pretty much a slippery slope that people don't recognise easily.
18. That it's so easy to get stuck in an endless cycle of people who are so wrong for me. And once you realise that, you can't stop seeing them for the transient entertainment that they are, which may just be worse. There's no going back to being effortlessly and happily stuck in an endless loop of heinous assholes unfortunately.
19. Having your friends leave is pretty much exactly as lonely and fuckall as you thought it would turn out to be. But it does really help you figure shit out.
20. That maybe the days of the cigarette burns are far behind me?
21. That being by yourself is so much easier. It's infinitely easier to not have to present yourself in a way that people will find easier to understand or accept or fit into their views of what they want.
22. That love's not some histrionic teenage concept. It's also a histrionic adult thing.
23. That I'm ambivalent on whether I'm being lied to or not. How on earth does it not matter? How cool is it that it doesn't? But we'll wait and see, yeah?
24. That it doesn't take time to switch to indifference. Being vulnerable takes a lot more work.
25. That Neil Patrick Harris is all kinds of awesome :)
26. That the whole shopping thing wasn't a phase. It's a lifelong commitment that just runs in cycles. Getting past the jewelery cycle was hard, but I think the clothes cycle might last a while.
27. That I'm still waiting to see on the whole hope thing.
28. Somewhere along this year, I started taking myself way too seriously. I need to hang out with my asshole friend from work a lot more. Nobody tells me how full of shit I am and laughs at me like him.
29. I need to go see South America for myself.
30. That I'm genuinely worried that the gravel in my soul and the steel in my spine will not let me be open to something that I've managed to want despite everything.
31. I naturally turn to 500 ml tubs of Baskin Robbins' Honey Nut Crunch / Mint Chocolate Chip / Chocolate Almond Praline when super upset or faced with disappointment.
32. That I will crave meat all my life.
33. Documenting oneself is strangely comforting.
34. If you're going to be brutalized within the walls of a beauty salon, you better have a an efficient sadist at hand.
35. I can be strong and disciplined but the tug I feel at my heartstrings when I think of my beloved reds is never going to go.

36. I'm way more judgmental than I realised.
37. I wonder about conditional love. Does such a thing exist?
38. Competence does in fact turn me on.
39. I'm more materialistic than I realised.
40. I stopped being honest on this blog right about the time I settled for comfortable.

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