Yesterday

Rajasthan looks like an entirely different place in the monsoons. It’s green everywhere, the skies are constantly dark grey and the wind reminds me of Himachal. I saw a cow get hit by a truck today, but it remained standing and only looked a little stunned. I seriously hope she’s alright. I was driven around by the littlest gremlin of an auto driver yesterday, whose face looked exactly like the Grinch who stole Christmas. This fellow kept smoking bidis and had this horrible rasping cough. I actually tried to avoid breathing (I’m smart like that) for as long as possible so as to not get TB from him. He smelled like wet rust and constantly kept getting lost. My fingernails have grown long and I must cut them today. I feel surprisingly compassionate towards heyyy bud-dee, I don’t grudge him his stupidity for some reason. I have cold milk with cereal and honey for breakfast here every day and I like it. I haven’t had a decent cup of coffee in what feels like forever and I’m smoking too often. The cigarettes also taste a little like honey and make my toes curl. I’ve been having vivid, chaotic dreams this entire week, some intensely emotional, some plain nightmares. This never used to happen in Delhi, I sleep like a log there, usually dreamless sleep, and any dreams that do turn up are usually loosely structured and comprise entirely of subtext and no plot. I’m a little perversely comforted that the themes and people turning up in them are all very basic and important to me. I’m enjoying the realization that I too have options, that I’ve always had options.

Sorry, internet. This entry is not for your benefit at all. I’m just sitting in a conference room in an industrial area, on the outskirts of Jaipur on a Saturday morning and documenting for the purpose of documenting. I think I’m still slightly numb from last night’s medicines, and enjoying the remaining stupor. I didn’t want to work today, but once I’m awake I really don’t mind, and if you’ve deprived me of my sleep on a weekend for something I consider to be entirely beneath me, I’m going to hate you forever anyway.