Wednesday, March 17

Claustrophobia central

So I got told to behave myself and I’m not sure if it’s warranted. But at least I got told! I’m at work and I have no work today. There’s a white man here reviewing some of our work and I’ve been asked to sit with the team on the project I’m technically assigned to, even though I haven’t worked with these people in a million months. I’m sitting with them, showing solidarity, being one of them. And I have no work while the white man reviews my partner’s sins. I have no internet connectivity, I have no meetings today. So I’m free, except for today’s task of being one of the team.
I miss cigarettes. I know why I quit and it’s just infinitely the smarter thing to do. I think about how pissed my dad would be if I got lung cancer one day and they have to take care of me and make sure I don’t die or experience any pain or whatever, only because of my own idiocy. It’s really irrational. But since when is true love rational? And the Phillip Morris company and I, we’re lovers. In the dirty, secret shame sort of way. The kind who meet up in hotels after they’ve got married to other people. Terrible. And I suspect all true love is the dirty, shameful kind. Wait and watch, internet.
I think I need to find a job where I love the work and feel all fulfilled and fuzzy. I think life is simpler like that because then you can look forward to spending your days being fuzzy and fulfilled. It’s important for a person like me because on a lot of days nothing else makes me feel either of the two. I think I’m missing some sort of important gland, internet. I think I need help.
I just met Swaamers and he said shame on me for not updating properly. I thought about it, and I’m sorry for this internet, but feel is not happening. At all. Case in point, this stupid entry. You’re tedious and sort of like an acquaintance and it’s just not very fun talking to you for now. Is this the extent of my claustrophobia that I want space from my blog? Space, internet, is over-rated. It’s boring and you’re forced to think about boring stuff and it makes you wonder why you don’t get drunk every night with those very carefully dressed idiots anymore. I’m going to Udaipur in the beginning of April and that’s something I can’t find anything to whine about :D There is hope for me after all.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

udaipur may get too warm??

sorry, just being evil! you write really well.. maybe you should take to writing? instead of being used to intimidate foreign visitors?

i think you'll write brilliant books! and id make my kids read them, they'd grow up with straight heads.

i dont have kids though. (just saying)