Reach out and touch someone with your steel penis

http://www.penny-arcade.com/view.php3?date=2003-11-19&res=h

WIP

Nothing absorbs a human being more completely than jealousy. When K lost her mother a year earlier, it was certainly an event more tragic than one of R’s escapades. And yet the death of her mother, whom she loved immensely, caused her less pain. The pain of her grief was benignly multicoloured: there was sadness in it, and longing, emotion, regret (had K taken sufficient care of her? Had she neglected her?), even a serene smile. The pain was benignly dispersed in all directions: K’s thoughts rebounded from her mother’s coffin and flew of toward memories, toward her own childhood and still further, toward her mother’s childhood, they flew off towards dozens of practical concerns, they flew off toward the future, which was wide open and where as consolation (yes, in those exceptional days her husband was her consolation), R’s figure stood outlined..
The pain of jealousy, on the contrary, did not move about in space, it turned like a drill on a single point. There was no dispersal. If her mother’s death had opened the door to a future (different, more lonely and also more adult), the suffering caused by her husband’s infidelity opened no future at all. Everything was concentrated on a single (and perpetually present) image of an unfaithful body, on a single (and perpetually present) reproach. When she lost her mother K could listen to music, she could even read; when she was jealous she could do nothing at all.

Recently when I left with M. If I need to get away permanently, I won't have anyone I'll feel bad about leaving behind (needless to say M comes with me). I was sitting on the ground outside and there wasn't a soul around. You can tell when summer's about to come by the colour the night sky takes. It was that very blue and I resented the fact that I was expected back.

I've spent the day in my fire engine red pyjamas. Now I'm aiming for the whole weekend.
The TFA show must be happening right now.
Hope all goes well.

Dear God

Dear God,
Today I went and saw Finding Neverland. It was beautiful. You have to make him win the Oscar this time (Sean Penn, what were you thinking?) or I'm switching sides.

More random lines that I like :
Where am I living life? Life is living me.
When I met you baby, you had no visible scars.

M was in a weird mood today. I think she's the only person who is comfortable, truly comfortable, around me even when I'm silent and murderous. I love my little evil quadraped. She hates being called that. Think I was a little murderous today.
I'm enjoying being calm. Though I'm getting tired of people lacking gumption. Just fucking say it. It's not like I don't effing already know. I like waking up tired. Particularly stretching, adjusting quilt, thinking my first thought and immediately feeling amused disbelief at my first thought (You can not know my invariable first thought), contemplating sleeping again, feeling bad for insomniacs, feeling warm and loving the way my skin feels at that time. After spending my token two nanoseconds like that I go back to sleep.
I feel stronger and more alone.
I don't know if that's better but it certainly is alot more dignified.
Johnny Depp must win.
He is all that is good and pure and fucking awesome.

If you would and you could. Fuck, I miss you.

I never felt magic crazy as this
I never saw moons knew the meaning of the sea
I never held emotion in the palm of my hand
Or felt sweet breezes in the top of a tree
But now you're here
Brighten my northern sky