She dreams a champagne dream
Strawberry surprise, pink linen and white paper
She says that love is for fools who fall behind
It’s too far away for me to hold
Guess I’ll let it go
If you take a song. Any. It usually spells out whatever you tried looking for or vaguely thought you could find.
Stop looking already.
Restructuring the future. I get this now. I get to do this. Rethink it all. Change it around. It's beautifully unknown. Just not knowing what I want it to be gives you so much. So many more options. Legit ones. And because this version of your future depends pretty much only on you it seems a lot scarier. Wonderful. We get to dream again.
Friday, October 22
Thursday, October 21
Morning
Dry voice. Powdery wings. Flapping.
Olive and Gold dust.
I’m a little tired. I want the brown skin. It would be enough to settle for the harder lines. Brings out the grey better. To wipe crumbs off the side of her mouth.
My body has become home. I’m just so familiar with every inch, every crest and trough. It feels weathered, all the more comfortable. I’ve seen each cut and bruise. I bruise easily. I’ve seen it throw most of it off. It looks like me now, it feels like my room where I curl up and do my thing. I’m quite comfortable in it. And there’s the colour : )
I can still surprise myself. We did that together. We swung back into normalcy (well almost because there are certain things that aren’t being said anymore, not because of any inhibition but because they don’t hold true, atleast for you) rather easily. Like the time spent before this was just a mandatory period of confusion. I still can surprise myself.
Watching M on stage is brilliant. Their taste in music mostly doesn’t correspond with mine, but the way they simply perform is just beautiful to watch. They have such fun. They’re so confident. They’re such .. well professionals. Their vocalist has this voice the kinds of which aren’t very easy to come by. But it’s the bassist I’m in love with. They conform and conform beautifully. The typical righteousness of the Indian rocker, the whole identity crisis faced by the scene, the whole question of originality, none of it seems to affect them the least. So though they do this set which any other band would seem gauche trying to carry it off they come across as completely unpretentious. Then it’s simply about music and how they do it. Which is brilliant fun to watch.
Np: Led Zeppelin –Friends
I have hardly any of them left here. I have all these people I can spend time with, who gabble and gibble, and do it rather well too. But the people I had that very unique brand of fun with have in majority dispersed. All of the people missing in action had a wholly different perspective of everything. So even with the 4 of them left behind who earlier also were a very essential part of the Round Table there’s that thing that is amiss. It’s not them. It’s just that when you’re getting an entire rainbow and later take out some of the colours the colours left behind also aren’t part of a rainbow. They’re just green and red and yellow. By the way I don’t like rainbows one bit so that was an unfortunate example. I find them weird. Like oily bits of the sky.
Both N and I are getting good at the sleep deprivation. We get tired. Not sleepy. Her first show's coming up.
Usually when I get this tired of people in general one can expect something pretty drastic if not exciting to happen. But I wouldn't let go of the rope. A million and one defence mechanisms to still not let any of you know. Ugh.
Managed to make two good days sound so sullen. Breath of colour. Hopefully soon. And we never even got around to telling any of them about what had happened. One of the best kept secrets.
It works in ways very similar to the one we'd talked about earlier. Not quite same, but similar. White turns to brown. Ivory to olive. We were all relieved we didn't lose you. That would have been horrible. But now that we still have you we don't really know what to do with you. We don't like having to unnecessarily think about you. But we wouldn't want to lose you.
Olive and Gold dust.
I’m a little tired. I want the brown skin. It would be enough to settle for the harder lines. Brings out the grey better. To wipe crumbs off the side of her mouth.
My body has become home. I’m just so familiar with every inch, every crest and trough. It feels weathered, all the more comfortable. I’ve seen each cut and bruise. I bruise easily. I’ve seen it throw most of it off. It looks like me now, it feels like my room where I curl up and do my thing. I’m quite comfortable in it. And there’s the colour : )
I can still surprise myself. We did that together. We swung back into normalcy (well almost because there are certain things that aren’t being said anymore, not because of any inhibition but because they don’t hold true, atleast for you) rather easily. Like the time spent before this was just a mandatory period of confusion. I still can surprise myself.
Watching M on stage is brilliant. Their taste in music mostly doesn’t correspond with mine, but the way they simply perform is just beautiful to watch. They have such fun. They’re so confident. They’re such .. well professionals. Their vocalist has this voice the kinds of which aren’t very easy to come by. But it’s the bassist I’m in love with. They conform and conform beautifully. The typical righteousness of the Indian rocker, the whole identity crisis faced by the scene, the whole question of originality, none of it seems to affect them the least. So though they do this set which any other band would seem gauche trying to carry it off they come across as completely unpretentious. Then it’s simply about music and how they do it. Which is brilliant fun to watch.
Np: Led Zeppelin –Friends
I have hardly any of them left here. I have all these people I can spend time with, who gabble and gibble, and do it rather well too. But the people I had that very unique brand of fun with have in majority dispersed. All of the people missing in action had a wholly different perspective of everything. So even with the 4 of them left behind who earlier also were a very essential part of the Round Table there’s that thing that is amiss. It’s not them. It’s just that when you’re getting an entire rainbow and later take out some of the colours the colours left behind also aren’t part of a rainbow. They’re just green and red and yellow. By the way I don’t like rainbows one bit so that was an unfortunate example. I find them weird. Like oily bits of the sky.
Both N and I are getting good at the sleep deprivation. We get tired. Not sleepy. Her first show's coming up.
Usually when I get this tired of people in general one can expect something pretty drastic if not exciting to happen. But I wouldn't let go of the rope. A million and one defence mechanisms to still not let any of you know. Ugh.
Managed to make two good days sound so sullen. Breath of colour. Hopefully soon. And we never even got around to telling any of them about what had happened. One of the best kept secrets.
It works in ways very similar to the one we'd talked about earlier. Not quite same, but similar. White turns to brown. Ivory to olive. We were all relieved we didn't lose you. That would have been horrible. But now that we still have you we don't really know what to do with you. We don't like having to unnecessarily think about you. But we wouldn't want to lose you.
Wednesday, October 13
Word Warrior
I got sick of telling you everything. Not that I claimed to. The videos came out candid. And surprisingly gentle. And she said it all. Rather easily. But they won't last. Aesthetics is the operative word here.
I took the test and turns out my IQ is 156 and I'm a word warrior.
We use the most confusing ones available.
My sweetheart's back. Must go.
I took the test and turns out my IQ is 156 and I'm a word warrior.
We use the most confusing ones available.
My sweetheart's back. Must go.
The Hours
Still there is this sense of missed opportunity. Maybe there is nothing, ever, that can equal the recollection of having been young together. Maybe it's as simple as that. He was the person she loved at her most optimistic moment.
The triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London; this moment of June.
Here is the stout, practical heart that beats beneath; here are the watery lights of her being- deep pink lights, red-gold lights, glittering, unsteady; lights that gather and disperse; here are the depths of Her, the heart beneath the heart; the untouchable essence that a man ( Him of all people !)dreams of, yearns toward, searches for so desperately at night. Here it is in daylight, in Irie's arms.
The triumph and the jingle and the strange high singing of some aeroplane overhead was what she loved; life; London; this moment of June.
Here is the stout, practical heart that beats beneath; here are the watery lights of her being- deep pink lights, red-gold lights, glittering, unsteady; lights that gather and disperse; here are the depths of Her, the heart beneath the heart; the untouchable essence that a man ( Him of all people !)dreams of, yearns toward, searches for so desperately at night. Here it is in daylight, in Irie's arms.
Monday, October 11
Dreams
For the record it's been half an hour since I woke up from the dream. With the show and the floor and the game. And that girl who just does not shut up. I'm so resentful that she's taking up dream space now, and that too this particular one. And not saying anything distinct. Not concentrating on the game. And the ease. The ridiculous ease which probably can't be faked. 'Master of sceptre'.
It's been the longest time since I dreamt about this.
*companionable silence*
It's been the longest time since I dreamt about this.
*companionable silence*
Thursday, October 7
Boredom
Hello.
I'm bored. And sick of almost everything. But mainly bored.
Homer: Lisa, you're a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher lifeform... like a snowman.
Pizza for everybody : )
Cranberry shots if you will.
Shiny, happy people.
Bleddy party balloons.
I'm bored. And sick of almost everything. But mainly bored.
Homer: Lisa, you're a Buddhist, so you believe in reincarnation. Eventually, Snowball will be reborn as a higher lifeform... like a snowman.
Pizza for everybody : )
Cranberry shots if you will.
Shiny, happy people.
Bleddy party balloons.
Thursday, September 2
Arc
Spent the morning singing songs to myself. There is no strawberry jam to be found. Flakes of paint and tracing icing hearts. Shiny happy people playing. I think I am playing mindgames on the poor sod. Lingering pity.
I wonder where my cats are. They must be pretty big by now. I wanted for them to be fat but I don't think that's worked out.
Using male cologne. They're always so much better than the female ones. "If I see I'm breaking, don't let it show." Sing songs for myself. Eventually that's all I have. I seem to have given up on Person after that one somewhat alienating talk. Well better sooner than later.
Guitar Riff.
Guitar Riff.
Zorran's Guitar Riff.
Talented oaf that he is.
Singing songs.
I wonder where my cats are. They must be pretty big by now. I wanted for them to be fat but I don't think that's worked out.
Using male cologne. They're always so much better than the female ones. "If I see I'm breaking, don't let it show." Sing songs for myself. Eventually that's all I have. I seem to have given up on Person after that one somewhat alienating talk. Well better sooner than later.
Guitar Riff.
Guitar Riff.
Zorran's Guitar Riff.
Talented oaf that he is.
Singing songs.
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