Thursday, October 21


Dry voice. Powdery wings. Flapping.
Olive and Gold dust.
I’m a little tired. I want the brown skin. It would be enough to settle for the harder lines. Brings out the grey better. To wipe crumbs off the side of her mouth.
My body has become home. I’m just so familiar with every inch, every crest and trough. It feels weathered, all the more comfortable. I’ve seen each cut and bruise. I bruise easily. I’ve seen it throw most of it off. It looks like me now, it feels like my room where I curl up and do my thing. I’m quite comfortable in it. And there’s the colour : )
I can still surprise myself. We did that together. We swung back into normalcy (well almost because there are certain things that aren’t being said anymore, not because of any inhibition but because they don’t hold true, atleast for you) rather easily. Like the time spent before this was just a mandatory period of confusion. I still can surprise myself.
Watching M on stage is brilliant. Their taste in music mostly doesn’t correspond with mine, but the way they simply perform is just beautiful to watch. They have such fun. They’re so confident. They’re such .. well professionals. Their vocalist has this voice the kinds of which aren’t very easy to come by. But it’s the bassist I’m in love with. They conform and conform beautifully. The typical righteousness of the Indian rocker, the whole identity crisis faced by the scene, the whole question of originality, none of it seems to affect them the least. So though they do this set which any other band would seem gauche trying to carry it off they come across as completely unpretentious. Then it’s simply about music and how they do it. Which is brilliant fun to watch.
Np: Led Zeppelin –Friends
I have hardly any of them left here. I have all these people I can spend time with, who gabble and gibble, and do it rather well too. But the people I had that very unique brand of fun with have in majority dispersed. All of the people missing in action had a wholly different perspective of everything. So even with the 4 of them left behind who earlier also were a very essential part of the Round Table there’s that thing that is amiss. It’s not them. It’s just that when you’re getting an entire rainbow and later take out some of the colours the colours left behind also aren’t part of a rainbow. They’re just green and red and yellow. By the way I don’t like rainbows one bit so that was an unfortunate example. I find them weird. Like oily bits of the sky.

Both N and I are getting good at the sleep deprivation. We get tired. Not sleepy. Her first show's coming up.

Usually when I get this tired of people in general one can expect something pretty drastic if not exciting to happen. But I wouldn't let go of the rope. A million and one defence mechanisms to still not let any of you know. Ugh.

Managed to make two good days sound so sullen. Breath of colour. Hopefully soon. And we never even got around to telling any of them about what had happened. One of the best kept secrets.
It works in ways very similar to the one we'd talked about earlier. Not quite same, but similar. White turns to brown. Ivory to olive. We were all relieved we didn't lose you. That would have been horrible. But now that we still have you we don't really know what to do with you. We don't like having to unnecessarily think about you. But we wouldn't want to lose you.

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