Thursday, April 14

I feel completely lousy. I haven’t felt like a bad person in a while. Since I moved here I’ve been existing in some sort of frivolous bubble, where the decisions I make, the money I spend, the way I choose to conduct myself don’t really matter because it’s just me here, I live by myself, I spend my money on only myself, I’m responsible to no one. Today I pulled a complete dick move which has made life significantly harder for some people. I was set to make a fairly important decision involving a fairly large amount of money, without giving it adequate thought or doing my basic due diligence. I made foolish commitments which I should really not have done. I should have stopped and thought about it a little longer. I didn’t realize anything was wrong till said people tried to shortchange me a little and I called off the whole thing. I was incredibly lucky to have a standby (my first option, the first one I fell in love with) which was still available to me. But my calling off the whole thing was incredibly uncool, because my reasons for it were mostly my sudden realization of what I was getting into and not the attempted fuckery, which I could have handled.

Even though I don’t want to, and very often actively try not to, believe in karma I’m sure my comeuppance is around the corner. I feel like a complete asshole and think it’s so unfair that I get to walk away, unaffected, towards a completely awesome option and fuck these people over in the process. If someone did this sort of thing to me I’d be completely pissed and start questioning whether there’s any honour left in the world, when it seems that the paucity’s a little closer to home.

Universe, don’t fuck with the people that matter to me as part of your retribution okay? Please direct all smiting towards me.