Dear Sri Lanka,

Nissan cars are godawful ugly. What gives? Pesto sauce is awesome and doesn't require 'imported ingredients' and the world has moved on from nylon clothing. Standard alcohol measures are in multiples of 30 and not 25, and using alcohol bottles to drink water in places of work is weird. Tourists are people too, and though admittedly they might be wearing cotton or other natural fibers, please don't touch them to see how different they feel. Hotels across the world are hiring competent staff, a phenomenon you should really look into. Buddhism is admittedly awesome, especially the kind that allows you to eat chicken because the Buddha was quiet on the issue. I too assume silent assent on a myriad of issues in my life and agree that if people really cared about things like Buddhists eating chicken or having a problem with me playing Twister with a bunch of maybe hopped up on coke Algerians in their hotel room they'd explicitly say something about it.
I have infinite respect for the excellent care you take of your chilled out animals. Everywhere I see happy, well-fed animals, usually in the middle of naps with their bellies facing the sky. The sight of so many exposed stray canine and feline bellies is completely heart warming and the ultimate badge of trust. Your sterilisation programme is something a lot of countries could stand to learn from. Also, your ocean is very pretty if albeit a little disorienting. Your storms were never quite timed to my advantage but very satisfying and fun to watch from the safety of my humidity / air - grease free room. The fact that your money looks like Monopoly money will naturally prove to be my down-fall when I'm back in Delhi, accounting for where all the wads of 2000 rupee notes went, but shopping here was really good fun and cheered me up immensely in an otherwise gloomy and fuckall couple of weeks. Thank you for the non-designer shoes, which are really cute, and you should consider exporting to India.
I've decided to be completely magnanimous and not hold your jinxed soil entirely responsible for fucking up my two months here. And even though my best friend Bunny kept refusing to come visit me, saying there's no way in hell she'd visit 'Ravan Land,' I will think kindly of you once every five years or so.
Cheers.
Murphy