Saturday, May 10

Two AM is the time I coach my on how not to become increasingly dependent on the ridiculous patterns my life inevitably ends up following. I end up playing out the same story with a different set of people every ten months or so. Which brings me to the question, what on earth do I like so much about this story that I insist on returning to it, with a new starring cast every time? I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that I thrive on pointless drama and contrived tensions between people and I never ever want to have the kind of placid happiness that comes from an uneventful life.
My life, she sucks.
I don't think my current lifestyle, for lack of a better word, is very conducive to getting rid of the constant trite resignation that defines my days. I am constantly in my head, planning out the moves I will very carefully make in the games I have no wish to be playing in the first place. Most importantly I would really like to start looking at people as who they really are and not characters in my gigantic farce being staged for an audience of a lone, self-obsessed, cantankerous, deluded woman.
Most of all I would like to be able to be honest to people. And not get caught up in the show.

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