About thirty minutes after the last post I ended up updating my facebook status to 'BGM finds happiness easy :)' With a smile in the end and everything. (I think of all the people I know personally, 4 people know about this blog. Which is very intentional, allows me to be completely, over-the-top, shame-on-you-narcissist indulgent and hopefully honest)
Getting back to the point, my status message is true. The childish angst lasted for just thirty odd minutes and I got over it. I'm praying this means that I'm over it. That it's done and I've moved on to indifference and that it will slowly seep into the recesses of my mind and remain permanently lodged behind memories of the trauma that was 'mental maths' classes in the first standard.
Going through this puraani list helped:
- stop looking for yourself in things
- wear more lip colour, especially when home alone in your sweats, because otherwise it'll just rot in heaps around you
- be shamelessly self indulgent
- don't be embarrassed about your excitement
- be embarrassed about your lack of humility
- TRY to not covet
- in fact, you really probably don't even want it
- don't say no out of habit, try the things that make you uncomfortable
- when it starts building up around you and begins to get to you, when you feel that swoop in your stomach, laugh. Just laugh it off.
- be obscene if you feel obscene. Don't overthink obscenity.
- let it be
- let it go
- everything isn't happening because of you or for you. Stop being the protagonist of everything.
- try and become someone who your cats aren't embarrassed to know