Give in to me

An absurd thought that somehow sneaks in, light as a feather in my hands, masquerading as an innocuous & plausible notion.
A stranger to be held at an arm's length and our special brand of awkward familiarity, consumes me all day and night.
Along with my current illness that confuses my mind and hinders clear thinking, my body's energy is expended continually warding off this deluge that my rules and reason can't.
I constantly find myself repeating five words over and over to myself - I do not want this. I'm afraid my arguments and tedious exhortation are beginning to bore me.

Be the death of me.

Reeling from impact

Nostalgia is something I can't afford. There are too many of you, all ghosts, with plenty more unfortunately heading your way. The ones with no balls, the ones with no direction, the ones who just let go. I am not nostalgic about any of you. I keep your secrets out of some form of misplaced combination of compassion, pity and love. I don't feel you between my legs anymore.

In the words of my good friend Cactus Jack, I think I'm back to being strong happy. Last night's dreams made me cry and wake up with an anxious, wretched feeling lodged somewhere under a rib. Now I have the love of my life (see below) sitting at my feet, I can see Scuttle sitting outside, on the ledge of my window and I have my usual confusion somewhere in the back of my head, that keeps becoming more peaceful and gentle with time. Internet, this is one of those times when one has nothing to say. This is one of those afternoons where everything everywhere is in a comfortable state of peace and love.

Definitive love of my young life

Scuttle the smug bug

Name: Scuttle, Bootles, Scootle
Likes: Not growing, remaining fat & cute, incessant purring for no apparent reason, quacking like a duck, being vicious, licking things, biting, cheese, running & being swift
Dislikes: sleeping alone, not being allowed to lick things, dogs, not being the sole focus of everyone's attention, being chased, cats who don't want to play all the freaking time, sissies
Distinctive features: Tiny ginger hitler mustache, constant excessive use of claws to hold things down for licking (as seen in photo above), incessant quacking
Favourite pastimes: Chilling, living in the 'moment' & being mean to Deva

Dudes. I'm the seagull with the pirate's hat and the twistyends mustache.

You go your way, I'll go your way too

My page was too white
My ink was too thin
The day wouldn't write
What the night pencilled in
My animal howls
My angel's upset
But I'm not allowed
A trace of regret

Beloved, I'm yours
As I've always been
From marrow to pore
From longing to skin